Coronation Street Quotes
by U-Madder
Summary: A list of some of my personal favourite, memorable quotes from Coronation Street. Not a story.


**Sunmary: A list of some of my personal favourite, memorable quotes from Coronation Street. Not a story.**

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 **A/N: Don't ask why I did this. For a while now, I've wanted to make a list of all of my favourite quotes from the show, as I've got loads of them (half of them consisting of Blanche's classic moments and Bethany, Rosie, Becky and Carla's hilarious one-liners!). So, here it is, I guess. And I repeat, it's not a story. It's just a long, tedious list of quotes that pop up in my mind all the time and make me laugh out loud (some of them, anyway).**

 **So...do you agree with the list below? Or is there a quote that hasn't been mentioned?**

 **(And yeah, I know the terms and conditions in terms of what I can publish and what I can't. I know I'm not supposed to post lists. But loads get away with it on this site, so...)**

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 **Coronation Street Quotes**

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"Good looks are a curse Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky." - Blanche Hunt to Ken Barlow and Deirdre Barlow.

"Again? You and him have been more on and off then the light in Eileen Grimshaw's fridge!" - Gail Rodwell to Sarah Platt on Sarah's boyfriend.

"The Croppers will never get custody. He's a looney and she's a man." - Blanche Hunt to Tracy Barlow on Roy Cropper and Haley Cropper.

"Manchester's great! It's like a Lowry painting brought to life, except everyone's put on ten stone!" - Bethany Platt's verdict on her new home to Gail Rodwell.

"I don't know why you're all so surprised. There isn't a young woman round here who's normal! Look at her sister, Rosie. She walks around half naked! And Tina lived in a darkened room with a mentally ill window cleaner!" - Norris Cole to Rita Tanner and Leanne Battersby on the young women living in Coronation Street.

"We are never ever getting back together." - Carla Connor to Peter Barlow (quoting the Taylor Swift song).

"Is someone going to make my tea, or am I going to have to phone 'help the aged?'" - Blanche Hunt to Deirdre Barlow.

"You're the one that I love, no-one else, not ever. And you better believe me." - Sian Powers to Sophie Webster.

"Lumbago?! There's a made up condition if there ever was one." - Carla Connor.

"I'm a realist, I don't live in fairyland like you do." - Blanche Hunt to Deirdre Barlow.

"Talk to the elbow, G. At least it's got a point." - Bethany Platt to Gail Rodwell.

"I'm not having my grandchild being brought up by two men - even if one of them does wear a frock!" - Blanche Hunt on Roy Cropper and Haley Cropper.

"Right, this sounds weird, but I can never pronounce 'pomegranate'." - Rosie Webster to Sally Webster and Sophie Webster.

"It's all about you innit spud lady?" - Maddie Heath to Sally Webster (first line).

"She's so stooped, she's folded in half." - Becky Granger on Tracy Barlow.

"Has Michael been doing more burglaries again?" - Bethany Platt to Nick Tilsley upon the police entering Nick's Bistro.

"Three witches, three bitches!" - David Platt on Gail Rodwell, Audrey Roberts and Sarah Platt.

"You've a mean streak in you Deirdre and I don't know where you get it from." - Blanche Hunt to Deirdre Barlow.

"Dip, dip, dip, my blue ship." - Carla Connor.

"Run along home now, Gail. The curtains won't twitch themselves, you know." Eileen Grimshaw to Gail Rodwell.

"Mum, I'm a lesbian! I don't do anything straight!" - Sophie Webster to Sally Webster.

"Ah. You pick a bloke out of a police line-up and twelve months later he's walking you down the aisle." Bethany Platt to Gail Rodwell on Gail's relationship with Michael Rodwell.

"All my life I've had to put up with people being more interested in Christmas then me. What is that about?!" - Rosie Webster.

"I'm here in this old life, same old street, having achieved nothing in the past fifty years except a string of embarrassing children who barely know who I am." - Ken Barlow.

"Oooh, she loves a drama that Gail! Never happier then when she has someone elses hands round her neck!" - Blanche Hunt to Rita Tanner on Gail Rodwell.

"Mum, I'm a firm believer in marriage. The more the merrier, I reckon. I wonder where I get that from?" - David Platt to Gail Rodwell.

"Less bitching, more stitching." - Carla Connor.

"These are Tracy's medical records, showing that when she fell down my stairs - and that's fell folks, not pushed - there were no babies. Now whatever she's been through, and trust me I would not wish that on my worst enemy - which she is by the way - it was nothing to do with me. She'd already lost the babies Steve, check the dates. Your shiny new wife's a filthy liar." - Becky Granger to Steve McDonald on Tracy Barlow.

"Amy's father's living with Carla's ex sister-in-law...we're practically family!" - Blanche Hunt.

"Sophie...it's Jenny! You were right! I just..." - Maddie Heath's voicemail message to Sophie Webster (last line).

"She said your skirt's too short and you wear too much make-up!" - Amy Barlow to Katy Armstrong on the ghost of Blanche Hunt talking to her.

"You must have a really big head, Eileen..." - Rosie Webster to Eileen Grimshaw upon Eileen getting her head stuck.

"What's of them cocktails that you set fire to?" - Sinead Tinker to Steph Britton.

"An alcoholic and an arsonist opening a bar? Sounds like the start of a joke." - Blanche Hunt on Peter Barlow and Leanne Battersby.

"Tracy Barlow! I mean, even her initials are a killer disease!" Eileen Grimshaw on Tracy Barlow.

"He looks like he should be crayoning summit." Blanche Hunt on Roy Cropper.

"No there's never been a law against lesbians, I've Googled it." - Sally Webster.

"Think...think...what would Angela Lansbury do in this situation?" - Sean Tully.

"I've never heard such self-indulgent whinging in all my life. Is there a correlation between how boring you are and much you drink?" - Blanche Hunt at the AA meeting.

"It were like seeing a vicar in a tracksuit, unnerving." - Norris Cole upon seeing his ex-wife.

"Oh! Here they come then! The rest of the 'Village People!'" - Gail Rodwell shouting homophobic abuse to Todd Grimshaw and Jason Grimshaw.

"Are we all supposed to call you 'Andy' now?" - Bethany Platt to Andy Carver (aka Gavin Rodwell).

"Hallelujah!" - Blanche Hunt (last line).

"Mads tu uno, blond spud lady!" - Maddie Heath after dunking Sally Webster's face in a pie.

"She's got a face the length of deansgate." - Carla Connor on Michelle McDonald.

"That bit of graffiti there? I did that, a few years back. Was how I used to write my name on walls. B, E, curly C, then a picture of a key. D'ya get it? BEC-KEY." - Becky Granger while in a prison cell.

"Did I just sound like Gail?" - David Platt to Max Turner.

"Like Postman Pat, do you? So long as you remember it's a work of fiction. 'Early in the morning, when the day is dawning?' Your real Postman Pat rolls up around noon wearing a pair of shorts and his breakfast. And, if he's not chucking elastic bands like confetti, he'll be rifling through your birthday cards for ready cash, or leaving your valuables out on the step." - Blanche Hunt to Simon Barlow on Postman Pat.

"Yeah, but what about like, gravy? Is that thick water with flavour?" - Rosie Webster to Graeme Proctor.

"Well, you've definitely landed on your feet with her then." - Bethany Platt to Luke Britton on Maria Connor.

"It's my origami day!" - Rosie Webster to Sophie Webster and Sian Powers.

"Jack's safe, Jenny's banged up...some might even say that's a result." - Sophie Webster to Kevin Webster on Jenny Bradley.

"Regrets are for people what stop on the ground. We're heading for the stars." - Becky Granger to Danny Stratton (last line).

"You do spell it F-A-Y don't you?" - Eddie Windass to Anna Windass upon wondering how to spell Faye Windass' name for a cake topping.

"You want to get out more. Wait till' you try bingo, you'll hyperventilate." - Blanche Hunt.

"No but I've seen you stood there with a face like a slapped backside, so come on!" - Becky Granger to Michelle McDonald.

Watch she'll be coming onto ya in a minute, they're like a pair of swingers." - Blanche Hunt on Ken Barlow and Deirdre Barlow at the AA meeting.

"Yeah, so that means no ripping each other's clothes off while we watch Midsomer Murders." - Rosie Webster to Sophie Webster and Sian Powers.

"I bet it was - like a woodpecker on speed!" - Sean Tully to Eileen Grimshaw.

"Talk to me again, sweetheart, you'll be out the door so fast you'll leave tyretracks." - Carla Connor to Izzy Armstrong.

"And you, get your scrawny backside out, you're barred." - Liz McDonald to Kylie Platt.

"Skirt no bigger than a belt, too much eyeliner, and roots as dark as her soul." - Blanche Hunt on Liz McDonald.

"So uh, this is the living room… uh, lots of living gone on in here, we should know - we've heard every word through these walls." - Eddie Windass to Sally Webster.

"Of course I don't fancy her! She dresses like a hooker!" - Ben Richardson to Sophie Webster on Rosie Webster.

"Sod off!" - A parrot to Sean Tully.

"Not true! Kirk has been sat in a deck chair in Blackpool since the late nineties." - Amber Kalirai to Kirk Sutherland and Norris Cole.

"That's the second fiance to chuck that ring away. You'd be better off buying a boomerang!" - Blanche Hunt to Steve McDonald.

"Oh, my fingers are actually numb! It's official, I'm knicker-knackered." - Julie Carp.

"It is eleven years since we last registered to be married, and we were informed that we could not. We have remained still, and the world has turned to meet us. My message to you Hayley, is this: the world can change it's rules, it's laws, and it's opinions, as frequently as it chooses, but I will remain standing beside you - that will not change." - Roy Cropper to Haley Cropper on their wedding day.

"Ooh, ooh, I know how we can get in! Use her head as a battering ram!" - Becky Granger to Steve McDonald on Tracy Barlow.

"I know you do, I know you do, and he'll be here I am sure of it, OK? 'Til then I'm not gonna leave you, alright? I'm not gonna let owt happen to you. You know, a good machinist's hard to come by!" - Carla Connor to Fiz Stape.

"D'you know, I reckon there's a great big poster of you on the wall in the local loony bin, with your mobile number underneath." - Aurdrey Roberts to Gail Rodwell.

"You sired him with Molly, the irresistible page three stunner, who was a dab hand with a pricing gun from over there." - Sally Webster to Kevin Webster.

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 **END**


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